So where have I been for two years? I virtually disappeared. Gone without a trace. If you look back, that is about the time Covid came to, “Kill and Destroy” all that it could. I was one of the unfortunately afflicted. The world we knew was destroyed. I was unable to work and lost. My sweet wife Stephanie was afflicted as well. We both became deathly ill for several weeks. We remember going to bed at night wondering which one of us would not wake up the next morning. Yes, we were that sick. Even after the vale of death passed us both by, there was a long, long recovery period. Much longer for me. Nevertheless, “Resucued by God”.
My wife being the tough cookie she is, went back to work and I was not in a good place physically or emotionally. Depleated and all but defeated. But alive! I would love to tell you things got better but, they got even worse. I had a heart attack. To the hospital in the back of a ambulance and then surgery. I lived. Was then imprisoned by the hospital due to a staff infection in my blood they swear up and down they didn’t give me. Hmmm… O.K. After about a week I was home again with this blood infection and wondering every night if I would die from septic shock. 10 days of antibiotics by I.V. in another hospital. Out patient of course. Nevertheless, “Rescued by God”
Over the last few years I have been diagnosed with several diseases that would finally see me classified as, “Disabled”. You ask, “Did I get depressed? I’m glad you asked”. Devastatingly depressed. My PTSD and nightmares from trauma experienced decades before set in. Days I could not even drag myself out of bed. Not showing or changing clothes. Staring at the wall. Spontaneous crying until there were no more tears. I was feeling utterly hopeless and helpless. During the lockdowns I lost friends. People I thought were my friends. Gossip ran rampid. Its like some even turned their back on me. I sat in my house most of the time. Me and my faithful little friend Manny. My 4 pound Papillon dog who loved me no matter what. “As long as he got his occasional snacks and pats on the head”. Nevertheless,”Rescued by God”.
There was something that was emotionally crippling about having to be wheeled out of our church in a wheel chair. Eventually I would start getting somewhat better thanks to a skillful surgeon, good doctors, lifesaving medications, vitimins and exercise. This week I was able to achieve walking a mile on the treadmill and 4 miles on the bike. Up to 3 times a week now. Back in church now and playing with the worship band. Beginning to feel much better. I still have some limitations but I do not want to find a hold and crawl in it any longer. Waiting for someone to cover me up. Sometimes it hard for us to immagine anyone feeling this way. Maybe many of you feel this way. Feeling like its a good time to be, “Rescued by God”.
How did I manage to get, “Rescued by God”? So glad you asked… I moaned, and groaned for quite a while until it became apparant nobody was going to rescue me. Where were all my friends? There were some left. They could only do so much. I had literally buried myself in dispare and depression. I secluded. I hid. I coward in a dark corner. Afraid of being judged or told to do this or that and I was just, “Drained”. I had no more energy and couldn’t take another step. I became desperate. So I did the unimaginable. The one thing I couldn’t bring myself to do. The absolute last option for so many of us. I cried out to God… I prayed and I whaled before Him like a child drowning screaming for a parent. Tears fell like rain. I knew my mistake. I should have called on Him first. I repented of my pride and God did the amazing. He listened. He consoled and comforted me. He gave me rest. I gave into His will with complete abandon and I was, “Rescued by God”.
Am I as whole as I was when I was 18 years old? I wish! But no… Am I beginning to thrive again? Absolutely yes! Am I perfect? Of course not. But I realize I am still in the game. In all of the sickness and being disabled I am able to take something away from it that is a treasure however. Gods strength is made perfect in my weakness. God does His best work when I simply get out of His way and just let him do what He does best; Miracles. When I am not able to take another step He gently picks me up and craddles me in His arms and carries me through the fire or the storm. I am sheltered. When I open my eyes, I find myself able to rest on green pastures beside the still waters.
I need you. Maybe you are in as dark a place as I have been. Take a journey with me. Its time for me to start writing again. Its time for me to start speaking again whenever and wherever their are people that need to be encouraged and empowered. Maybe your church or organization would benefit from hearing my strory. How even though I am not perfect. Yes I am flawed. God continues to love me. Heal me. Carry me. Rescue me. Empower me.
