I NEED A MIRACLE, NOW PLEASE!
Complete and utter devastation… The unimaginable happens. It clobbers you out of nowhere. One day things are normal and happy or at least familiar. Then you feel like all of the demons in hell have been sent to destroy you. The pain sets in.
That horrible feeling when life as you know it changes forever. Life threatening illness, death of a loved one, divorce, complete financial ruin, loss of your child or children. Maybe even homelessness or imprisonment. The world caves in on top of you and there is seemingly no way out. No comfort, only depths of pain you never knew existed. Your heart is shattered, nerves shot, depressed and you feel like you are alone on that deserted island with nothing but the shirt on your back. Take heart, you will survive this. You are incredibly strong. How do I know this much pain and loss can be survived? I have experienced every bit of it. God is your answer. He will get you through it. God is the only reason I survived such devastation.
Can it really feel this devastating, you ask? Yes! Even beyond what words can convey. Then the thought comes to mind. Why should I even try to continue living? This is exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Not because God put you there. Life’s circumstances did. God is the way out.
We get hurt sometimes when others make decisions. But God is standing by to catch us when we collapse. He made us to be resilient spirits. The enemy will try to destroy you but satan can’t compete with God. God is more powerful. It may seem hard to believe but there is no place you end up in life that our precious God can’t hear you. There is no depth that God won’t reach to save His children. There is no heart shattered so badly that our Father cant lovingly and masterfully reshape and mold that heart into a divine work of art that reflects His love to everyone. Know this: God has not left you. God loves you so much and He will help you heal. God is your answer. Give yourself to Him now.
I offer myself as proof. There is nothing I’ve listed here that I have not experienced myself. I know about seemly endless agony and pain. Tears that flood your pillow at night. I have awaken at night with tears running down my face from feeling the pain even in my sleep. I have even wanted to take my own life. Crippling heart ache that almost destroyed me.
Prayer is our lifeline to Help when we become so depressed life seems not worth the pain. We should pray or healing. People mean well when they say; I will pray for you. I believe many of them do. They do not seem to have time to really help though. Actually, some help is just beyond our ability to give. We are only able to do so much as humans. The heavy lifting belongs to God. Let Him bless and warm you with His Comforter.
We are to plant and water. (Pray for others and console.) God is in charge of growth. Its the Holy Spirit that does the healing and provides comfort. This is why I always point to God. I can only listen, hug, cry with, pray with, be there and be a brother and a good friend. I do care. But I understand my limitations. This understanding is my super power. I connect people with God.
This is how I found out that God is the real healer. I was homeless, severely addicted and on a real bender. I was in the crawlspace under someones house. A good Samaritan who did not really trust me to stay in the house let me stay there. There were areas of the crawl space that were dug out enough to stand and there was a ratty old sofa damp and mildewed to sit and lay on. I went through the DTs under that house. I was covered in my own puke, pee, feces and blood. The shakes were the worst I had ever experienced. God, I was deathly ill. Soooo Sick! In my heart I felt like I would never be able to sober up and stay that way. I was giving up and just wanted the pain in my heart to stop.
When I was very young I heard that God would not let me into heaven if I killed myself. Today, I believe God knows what to do with people that hurt that bad and make that heartbreaking decision. God is loving and kind. Still, at the time I only knew pain and not capable of reasoning things out. All I knew was that I didn’t want to go on hurting and bringing shame to my children. I was guilt ridden. Guilt and shame are traps of the enemy. to ensnare you with. I busted open a plastic razor I left prison with. I laid the blade agains my wrist as I knelt at the sofa. The tears began to fall and this was the defining moment of my life.
As I knelt down, I prayed this prayer. God please forgive me of my sins and what I am about to do. It just hurts so bad I can’t stand it anymore. I do not know another way to stop hurting everyone and hurting You. I’ve let everyone who has ever loved me down and I have hurt them. Im so sorry. I have become a sorry excuse of a man and I have been a thief, a lier, and I am guilty of perverse and unclean thoughts and actions. I am a drunk and junkie. I never meant to become this because I was born into this type of environment and I hated every bit of it as a child. I am just as bad as any of them and worse. I’m sorry God. Most of all I have let You down. I have hurt You and I have hurt Your Son, Jesus. Im sorry Jesus, please forgive me. I have grieved the Holy Spirit and I am sorry. Most of all I am sorry I hurt you God. I pressed the razor against my skin and felt the blood begin to trickle down my wrist. The tears were uncontrollable. I was a hot mess at the end of the trail and ready to die.
I was not planning on saying this but today I believe it was the Holy Spirit finishing the prayer for me. The words flowed out of my mouth and I meant them from the heart. ” Please don’t send me to hell for killing myself or please God forgive me and take the addictions and evil desires away from me. I love You. My eyes were closed but then the crawl space filled up with light and heat. I was warm for the first time in a long time. The pain in my heart stopped. I wasn’t sick. I felt like I was being cradled in the arms of God and I felt love being poured on me. It was as if I were a child that crawled up in my Daddy’s lap. I kept crying and begging Him, “Please don’t leave me, Please don’t leave me.”
I was on my knees for 2 to 3 hours praying, crying, confessing and listening. I was afraid to get up because I was afraid I would never feel Him with me again. I was afraid I might go back to what I was before. I couldn’t take it if that happened. I would rather die than keep being that man. Eventually I felt Gods leave the room but at the same time I still felt Him in me. I felt good. I wasn’t sick anymore! This was my first miracle after the miracle of feeling Him hold me. I knew at that moment what I was supposed to do…
I got up off my knees and I got cleaned up good as a homeless person can. I made a bee line to my parole officers office. I sat and I waited. She called me in and asked me, “What do you want?”. I said, I’ve gotta come clean with you. I’ve been dirty. I have been drunk and high and Im sorry. She through her pen down on her desk and she angrily asked me, “Are you crazy?”. “Do you understand what I can do to you”? I said, “Yes”. She told me I can put you back behind bars for several years. I said, “I understand that”. “Why are you telling me this”, she asked. I told her about the experience I just had with God and that I knew I had to be honest with her to stay sober and to get better. She asked me what I wanted her to do. I asked her if she would put me in a recovery program. To which she said, “NO”! There was a pause. Then she said if you really want this your going to do it all by yourself. If you want it bad enough you will do the leg work and I will decide then. She told me she would make sure I served out all of my time if I screwed up. I thanked her and I left.
This all happened 27 years ago and I have been sober and clean the whole time. I have never been in trouble since. God has blessed me with a beautiful and loving relationship with my wife and my kids. My life has changed. Now I work for God. I do His will. I still love Him. God still shows me His love for me everyday. I feel God close to me. I am so blessed. I lost everything I had. God has restored me and has replaced all I have lost. This has been a wonderful life. Better than I deserve.
As you read my articles, you will hear about different miracles my wife and I have witness in our ministry work together. But, for right now lets get back to you.
Pretend I am with you, holding your hand and kneeling with you. Imagine yourself in that damp crawlspace with me and we are kneeling at that old ratty sofa together. I will become your prayer partner.
God, this is my new brother or sister. We need your help and I am asking You to reveal yourself to them the way you revealed Yourself to me 27 years ago. We have sinned and have fallen short of your expectations of us and we ask for You to forgive us, “both of us”.
Now just talk to God. Talk to him like He is your best friend and cares, “because He does care”. Tell Him your deepest darkest secrets, “He knows anyway”. Besides, if you read your Bible, you will see there were many screw ups in the writings. But He forgives when the heart is contrite and honest. Keep talking. Feel His presence as he enters. Ask Him to take your pain. Believe and receive this in the name of Jesus Christ His Son. Take time to listen to the Holy Spirit as He enters your heart and let the healing begin.
May God you on your journey and heal you as you experience the thorns of life.
Robert S. Newberry, “Sinner”
(Saved by grace), and your new brother and prayer partner.