I feel compelled to share with you the following fact: I am broken! Absolutely and utterly broken. If you are looking for someone who has arrived, perfect, all knowing or without faults and failures, “I am not your guy”. Much of my experience has come from the huge mistakes I have made in my life and recovery. As a matter of fact, I seem to get more out of falling flat on my face and failing miserably than I do sitting in a desk and listening to a lecture. The good news is when we are feeling absolutely powerless and helpless, it gives God the chance to get through our thick skulls and pride. It is always in crying out to God that I find my comfort and healing. Only He seems to be able to dry the tears and console me. A quite time with Him where I can just pour out my heart and fears and simply sit still and listen.
I have never really felt like the wise little man pulling the levers and flipping switches in the great movie, “The wizard of Oz”. I have always felt more like one of the broken misfit toys on the Island of Misfit Toys in my other childhood favorite movie, “Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer” Even the red nose on Rudolf became something I would acquire when I would go on a bender. It is a very lonely and isolated feeling when you grow up feeling like you are always on the outside looking in. The feeling of never really being loved or wanted is so crippling. Can you relate yet? Thought so. It was in accepting where I was emotionally and spiritually that allowed me the humility that would give me the greatest gift ever. I found Gods love for me. There it was the whole time right in front of me. Finally the peace in this beautiful quite place of rest and tranquility that I could hide and get well.
Do you feel broken? If you do, this is a miracle and its a great place to be. A place to start over. That’s right. Start your day and life over. Give yourself a break, Leave the overwhelming job of Judgement in the hands of a loving God that is forgiving and wants to see you at your best. People have asked me why I still refer to myself as being broken after 27 years of sobriety. The answer is simple for me. Its the place I feel the most powerful. As scripture says: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Its true. Give it a try.